Maybe we should replace that word with honesty, because in the truest sense of the word, to be intimate means you have to be willing to be honest and to share more deeply from your heart.
For many people this presents a big challenge because it means exposing yourself – your emotions and fears, your vulnerability and your idiosyncrasies – it means moving into a space that many people cover up or disguise with various masks associated with material achievements: money, possessions or other illusions or labels pinned on you by society. Even married individuals, perhaps most specifically married people or those in a committed relationship, express the frustration of not being able to connect on a deeper level or have the quality of intimacy they dream of.
But when you stand naked in front of another person, in the non-physical or physical sense, in your most authentic beingness, without all your baggage, you have the amazing opportunity to experience the most amazing gift of soul greeting soul. This is intimacy!
How do you get to experience this pure state of being and expressing? Well, you have to peel off the layers one by one, the lies and illusions about yourself in which you’ve invested, the societal and cultural beliefs, the family beliefs and, beyond all else, the religious beliefs which would have you believing that you are less than you are.
Consider the three levels within each of us:
The Basic Self level: The sub-personae, which are products of scars from childhood or adolescence, and pop-up when specific buttons get pushed. We all have them! Many therapists talk about the “Inner child,” but I always ask, “Which one?”… for there may be several of them, marching around inside of you with their banners and protests, running you ragged, sometimes on strike and sometimes causing your life to literally come to a screeching halt. To know who they are, what past events or sets of circumstances they are a product of, is to begin to take back your power.
In my 25 years of mentoring and counseling, I have discovered that Basic Self work is by far the most important part of self-empowerment. Without clear understanding of these inner aspects, you cannot truly maintain the wisdom and information from other systems of self-empowerment to which you may subscribe and, you certainly cannot attain true fulfillment in any relationship, let alone intimacy.
Next is the Conscious Self level: This is your adult self, which expresses beliefs, limitations and other conditioning from family, culture, society and religious structures. It is mostly left brain activity, and often completely shuts out the Basic Selves, which in their authenticity represent your ability to be vulnerable, to have a sense of wonder and adventure, sweetness and innocence.
The Conscious Self and the Basic Self levels represent the ego – the personality – and even though they may express aspects of our true soul nature, their allegiance to our soul mission may be, and usually is, extremely compromised.
The High Self level: This is our all-knowing self and our connection to the Divine. From time to time, we all experience our High Selves shining through, tapping us on the shoulder and telling us to let go and “go this way,” or “do this,” or simply letting us know we are not alone. Our high self also sends us messages in our night-dreams and sometimes in our day-dreams, when we slip over into our right brain.
A dear friend, who has experienced my work first hand, claims that “After participating in the Basic Self work with Kay, I am now attracting women in my life instead of repelling them. They now reach out to me with interest in who I am, as I more deeply work with my inner team.”
JM, Los Angeles